Life in the USA

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Impressum

• You make over $250,000 and still can't afford to buy your own house.
• The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
• The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
• You know how to eat an artichoke.
• You drive to your neighborhood block party.

You're in New York . . .

• You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
• You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
• You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
• You think Central Park is "nature."
• You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
• You've worn out a car horn.
• You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You're in Alaska when . . .

• You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco.
• Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
• You have more than one recipe for moose.
• Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
• The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.

You're in the South when . . .

• You get a movie and bait in the same store.
• "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
• after a year you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are ya?"
• "he needed killin' " is a valid defense.

You're in Colorado when . . .

• You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
• You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care.
• A pass does not involve a football or dating.
• The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.

You're in the Midwest when . . .