Southern Humor

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An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says, "'Bout what?"

Two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one is carrying a sack.. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in th' bag?" "Jes' some chickens." "If I guesses how many they is, ! kin I have one?"
"Shoot, if ya guesses right, I'll give you both of 'em!" "OK. Ummmmm...five?"

An Alabamian came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here - muh house is on fahr!" "OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
"Shucks, don't you fellers still have those big red trucks?"

Why do folks in Kentucky go to R-rated movies in groups of 18 or more?
Because they heard 17 and under aren't admitted.

Ida Mae passed away in Helen, W. Va. and Bubba called 911. The 911-operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive. " The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" After a long pause, Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

Know why they raised the minimum drinking age in Louisiana to 32? They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi? Documentaries

Where was the toothbrush invented?
Arkansas. If it were invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery?
The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

A new law was recently passed in North Carolina so that when a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister. ( Hey.... Watch that!! )

What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Oklahoma and a hurricane in Florida have in common? No matter what, somebody's fixin' to lose a trailer.

How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call the front desk and say "I've got a leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead".

This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

You've gotta love the Marines!