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Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?

Waiter : Sit down, sir, we serve anyone.

Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?

Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?

Customer : No, I can't.

Waiter : Then does it really matter?

Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea cup?

Waiter : I wouldn't know, Sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.

Peter : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!

Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I' ve got another pair of the same at home

Wife : Do you want dinner?

Husband : Sure, what are my choices?

Wife : Yes and no.

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!! "

Second Guy : "You're fortunate, mine's still alive."

A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order. "

The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you,your honour, I'll have a scotch and soda."

An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.

'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'

'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.

'How long has what been going on?' said the man.

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!

2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.

1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

Man : How old is your father?

Boy : As old as me.

Man : How can that be?

Boy : He became a father only when I was born.

A lady went to a restaurant and ordered a bowl of soup.

Lady : Waiter, what is this soup called?

Waiter : It is called special chicken soup.

Lady : But I see no chicken in it!

Waiter : That's why it's so special!

Question : Why did you throw the butter out of the window ?

Answer : I wanted to see a butterfly.