Signs, Puns and Tongue Twisters

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Hinweise zu Autoren.



On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."

Sign over a Gynaecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

On a New York convalescent home:
"For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."

On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."

At a truck stop:
"Eat here and get gas"

In a Florida maternity ward:
"No Children Allowed"

On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
"Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Sisters of Mercy"

In a funeral parlor:
"Ask about our layaway plan"

On a Tennessee highway:
"When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
"Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."

Outside a country shop:
"We buy junk and sell antiques."

Sign at the psychic’s Hotline:
"Don't call us, we'll call you."

At A Laundry Shop: "How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"

Billboard on the side of the road:
"Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."

Outside a Hotel:
"Help! We need inn-experienced people."

On a desk in a reception room:
"We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."

On the door of a Computer Store:
"Out for a quick byte."

Inside a Bowling Alley:
"Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blow-out."

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry.
Come on in and get fed up."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

At a Propane Filling Station,
"Tank heaven for little grills."

And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

At an Optometrist's Office
"If you don't see what you're looking for,
you've come to the right place."

Tongue twister

If a bra is an upper topper titty flopper stopper,

and a jock strap is a lower decker pecker checker,

and a roll of toilet tissue is a super duper doody pooper scooper,

what do you call a Japanese drummer boy whose father has diarrhea?

A slap happy Jappy with a crap happy pappy


Hätten Hottentotten Tüten
täten sie mit Tuten töten

Würden Löwen tragen Brillen
würden sie mit Würde brüllen

strickend stieren sture Stiere
störend an vier Wirbeltiere

schaffen am Schafott die Schlächter
schlafen schlaffe Schafe schlechter

Rangen fangen schlanke Schlangen
bang mit langen Stangenzangen

schnaufend streicheln scheue Schnecken
schräg umschleichend schlanke Stecken

Schall des Falles eines Balles:
allenfalles ballt sich alles

grantig tanzen Elefanten
mit verbannten Anverwandten

angebrannte Elefanten
tanzen mit verkannten Tanten

kleine Eimer fein zu leimen
scheint sich beinah rein zu reimen

kühne Kühe küssen kühler
Bühnenkünstler fühlen schwüler

Schweinen, scheinbar weinend, reinlich
scheinen kleine Beine peinlich

über Rasen rasen Hasen
blasend Glas für glatte Vasen.

Weil die Paten um den Braten baten,
taten Puten wir den Paten braten.
konnten Paten Putenbraten bieten,
weil wir Puten - wie die Paten baten - brieten.

Eine riesige Sammlung von Zungenbrechern (tongue twisters)  in vielen Sprachen