How to turn men down - Words woman use

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MAN: "Can I buy you a drink? "
WOMAN: "Actually I'd rather have the money "

MAN: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
WOMAN: I'm a plastic surgeon .I've been looking for a face like yours!!!

MAN: Hi! Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
WOMAN: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice!!!

MAN: Where have you been all my life?
WOMAN: Hiding from you.

MAN: Haven't I seen you some place before?
WOMAN: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

MAN: How did you get to be so beautiful?
WOMAN: I must've been given your share!!!

MAN: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
WOMAN: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!

MAN: Your face must turn a few heads!
WOMAN: And your face must turn a few stomachs!!!

MAN: Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out!
WOMAN: Okay, get out!!!

MAN: I think I could make you very happy.
WOMAN: Why? Are you leaving?

MAN: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
WOMAN: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!

MAN: Can I have your name?
WOMAN: Why, don't you already have one?

MAN: Shall we go and see a film?
WOMAN: I've already seen it!!!

MAN: Is this seat empty?
WOMAN: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

MAN: So, what do you do for a living?
WOMAN: I'm a female impersonator.

MAN: Hey baby, what's your sign?
WOMAN: Do not enter.

MAN: Your body is like a temple.
WOMAN: Sorry, there are no services today.

MAN: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
WOMAN: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

MAN: Where have you been all my life?
WOMAN: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams.

Frauen können grausam sein

Er: Hab ich dich nicht schon mal irgendwo gesehen?
Sie: Ja, deshalb gehe ich da nicht mehr hin

Er: Ist dieser Platz frei?
Sie: Ja, und meiner auch, wenn du dich hinsetzt.

Er: Kann ich dir einen ausgeben?
Sie: Danke, ich möchte lieber das Geld

Er: Stört es Dich, wenn ich rauche?
Sie: Mich stört es nicht mal, wenn Du brennst !

Er: Wow ist das voll hier, was?
Sie: Dann verpiss Dich doch, dann gibt's Platz !

Er: Ziemlich laut hier, he?
Sie: Dann halt doch einfach die Fresse!

Er: Ich bin Fotograf und suche nach einem Gesicht wie deinem.
Sie: Ich bin plastische Chirurgin und suche nach einem Gesicht wie deinem.

Er: Hatten wir nicht mal ne Verabredung? Oder sogar zwei?
Sie: Es muß eine gewesen sein. Ich mache nie den selben Fehler zweimal.

Er: Wie kommt es, daß du so schön bist?
Sie: Ich hab deinen Anteil noch dazubekommen.

Er: Gehst du am Samstag mit mir aus?
Sie: Tut mir leid, dieses Wochenende habe ich Kopfschmerzen

Er: Bei deinem Gesicht drehen sich sicherlich einige Köpfe nach dir um.
Sie: Bei deinem Gesicht drehen sich sicherlich einige Magen um

Duffel Bags

A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open."

This is not a phrase men normally use, so he went on his way looking a bit puzzled.

When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, "Your fly is open." He zipped up and finished his shopping. He then intentionally got in the line to check out where the lady was that told him about his "barracks door."

He was planning to have a little fun with her.

When he reached her counter he said, "When you saw my barracks door open did you see a soldier standing in there at attention?"

The lady thought for a moment and said, "No, no I didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."

Words Women Use

FINE. This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES. This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING. This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows). This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing," and will end with the word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows). This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine," and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH. This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing with you over "Nothing."

SOFT SIGH. Again, not a word, but a nonverbal statement. "Soft Sigh" means that she is content. Your best bet is not to move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY. This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead." At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO. This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

THANKS. A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT. This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."

Send this to men you know to warn them about future arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology. And send it to your women friends to give them a good laugh!