Life in the USA

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You're on the West Coast when . . .
  • You make over $250,000 and still can't afford to buy your own house.
  • The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
  • The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
  • You know how to eat an artichoke.
  • You drive to your neighborhood block party.

You're in New York . . .

  • You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
  • You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
  • You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
  • You think Central Park is "nature."
  • You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
  • You've worn out a car horn.
  • You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You're in Alaska when . . .

  • You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco.
  • Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
  • You have more than one recipe for moose.
  • Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
  • The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.

You're in the South when . . .

  • You get a movie and bait in the same store.
  • "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
  • after a year you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are ya?"
  • "he needed killin' " is a valid defense.

You're in Colorado when . . .

  • You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
  • You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care.
  • A pass does not involve a football or dating.
  • The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.

You're in the Midwest when . . .

  • You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
  • Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
  • You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
  • You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall, I wanna go with."
  • Your first job was detasseling.
  • When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different."