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|You're on the West Coast
when . . .
- You make over $250,000 and still can't afford to buy your own house.
- The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
- The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
- You know how to eat an artichoke.
- You drive to your neighborhood block party.
You're in New York . . .
- You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
- You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
- You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery
Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
- You think Central Park is "nature."
- You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you
- You've worn out a car horn.
- You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
You're in Alaska when . . .
- You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco.
- Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
- You have more than one recipe for moose.
- Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
- The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.
You're in the South when . . .
- You get a movie and bait in the same store.
- "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
- after a year you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are ya?"
- "he needed killin' " is a valid defense.
You're in Colorado when . . .
- You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
- You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care.
- A pass does not involve a football or dating.
- The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.
You're in the Midwest when . . .
- You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
- Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
- You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
- You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go
to the mall, I wanna go with."
- Your first job was detasseling.
- When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different."