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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a  whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me. . .  they were cramming for their finals.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use.   Perhaps toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?
Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.

VENI, VEDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I shopped.

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Clones are people two.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

As I said before, I never repeat myself!

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Think "honk" if you're telepathic.

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

So what's the speed of dark?

How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees?  And who has been dis-ing them anyhow?

If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

I just got skylights put in my place.  The people who live above me are furious.

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed  to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

Why is it that "devils food" cake is chocolate and "angel food" cake is white?

Fragen, die keine Antwort kennen

Gibt es eingefleischte Vegetarier?

Was fühlt ein Schmetterling im Bauch, wenn er verliebt ist?

Was soll das Verfallsdatum auf saurer Sahne?

Was passiert, nachdem man sich 2 Mal halbtot gelacht hat?

Was zählen Schafe, wenn sie einschlafen wollen?

Gibt es in einer Teefabrik Kaffeepausen?

Warum nennt man einen Mann, der Frauen schmutzige Sachen sagt, einen Sexist, während eine Frau, die Männern schmutzige Sachen sagt, drei Mark pro Minute kriegt?

Warum trägt ein Kamikazepilot einen Helm?

Warum gibt es Whiskas-Huhn, -Fisch und -Rind, aber kein Whiskas-Maus?

Wenn ein Schizophrener mit Selbstmord droht - ist das dann eine Geiselnahme?

Warum werden Zigaretten an Tankstellen verkauft, wo das Rauchen verboten ist?

Wenn Autofahren verboten ist, nachdem man etwas getrunken hat, warum haben Bars und Kneipen Parkplätze?

Wenn nichts an Teflon kleben bleibt, wie wird Teflon an der Pfanne festgemacht?

Wie heißen die harten Plastikenden an den Schnürsenkeln?

Wenn ein Laden 24 Stunden am Tag an 365 Tagen im Jahr geöffnet hat, warum hat er dann ein Schloss in der Tür?

Wenn eine Fliege an der Zimmerdecke landet, macht sie dann einen Looping oder eine Drehung um ihre Längsachse?

Wenn man einen Schlumpf würgt, welche Farbe bekommt er dann?

Wie kommen die "Rasen betreten verboten" - Schilder in die Mitte des Rasens?

Haben Analphabeten genau so viel Spaß mit einer Buchstabensuppe?

Als der Mensch entdeckte, dass Kühe Milch geben - was tat er dann gerade?

Falls ein Wort falsch geschrieben im Wörterbuch steht, werden wir das je erfahren?

Warum "Abkürzung" so ein langes Wort ist?

Wie merkt man, dass unsichtbare Tinte aus ist?

Warum hat Noah die zwei Stechmücken nicht erschlagen?

Wenn Hasenpfoten Glück bringen, hat der Hase dann auch Glück gehabt?

Ein Butterbrot landet immer auf der Butterseite. Eine Katze landet immer auf den Pfoten.
Was passiert, wenn man einer Katze Butter auf den Rücken schmiert?

Wenn der Mensch eine Weiterentwicklung des Affen ist, warum gibt's dann noch Affen?

Wie sorgt man dafür, dass Rehe tatsächlich bei den Verkehrszeichen die Straße überqueren?

Warum schrumpfen Schafe nicht wenn es regnet?

Warum muss der Deckel von einem Sarg zugenagelt werden?

Warum hat ein Friedhof ein Tor, wenn doch die, die draußen sind, eigentlich nicht rein wollen und die, die drin sind, nicht raus können?

Schwimmt eine Ente mit nur einer Pfote im Kreis?

Wenn Dich ein Taxichauffeur im Rückwärtsgang nach Hause bringt, muss er dann Dir was bezahlen?

1. Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
2. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
3. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
4. Why don't you ever see the headline Psychic Wins Lottery?
5. Why is abbreviated such a long word?
6. Why is a boxing ring square?
7. Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
8. Why is it that doctors call what they do practice?
9. Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
10. Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on Start?
11. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
12. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
14. Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
15. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
16. Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
17. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
18. If you throw a cat out of the car window, does it become kitty litter?
20. Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
21. What do people in China call their good plates?
22. What do you call a male ladybug?
24. Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
25. Why do they call it a pair of pants, but only 1 bra?
26. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
27. Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
28. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
29. Why are there Interstates in Hawaii?
30. Why are there flotation devices in the seats of planes instead of parachutes?
31. Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?
32. Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?
33. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
34. If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why does it have locks on the door?
35. You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff ?
36. If a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime, what does a freedom fighter fight?
37. If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby oil?
38. If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
39. Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of a drive-up ATM?
40. Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
41. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
42. Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
43. If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
44. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?