Product Advisories

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In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

1. On Sears hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair)

2. On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(Evidently, the shoplifter special)

3. On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how. . ?)

4. On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestions: Defrost."
(But it's *just* a suggestion)

5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):
"Do not turn upside down."
(Oops, too late!)

6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(As night follows the day . . . .)

7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save even more time?)

8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

9. On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(One would hope)

10. On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?)

11. On a Japanese food processor:>
"Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

12. On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: Contains nuts."

13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: Fly Delta.)(notice how it says "AMERICAN airlines")

14. On a child's Superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)

15. On a Swedish chain saw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?...Good grief)

16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid:
"Do not use on food."
(Hey, Mom, we're out of syrup! It's OK honey just grab the Palmolive!)

17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste:
"If swallowed contact poison control."
(Oh please have you ever heard about someone dying from swallowin a
little toothpaste?)

18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent:
"Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine."
(Hey no more swimming in the washing machine kids.... Aww you mean we
have to use the swimming pool)